3 Months In

Must be a Midlife Crisis or something but i'm feeling restless of late , feels like the sand in the Hourglass is running out and its Frustrating to say the least .

I've allways hoped there was a reason why I survived that Accident in 1978 .

Then I was a 18 Year old kid out riding my Bike , the last thing I remember was leaving my cousins house i'd gone up there to say hello and he wasn't home so I hopped on my little Yamaha RD125 DX my then 3 month old bike bought on HP which had been signed for by my Father .

Next thing I remember is waking up feeling a bit strange it seemed to take ages for my eyes to focus a bright light dazzled me this thing looked huge and i knew there wasn't one in my Bedroom .

Well I tried to sit up but I couldn't , felt a sharp stab of Pain as I tried looked to my left my upper arm had a bandage on it looked to my right that whole arm was covered in a cast looked ahead my left leg was held up on the Air in a metal frame with a bolt going though my lower leg which was heavily bandaged up.

There also seemed to be lots of tubes and other stuff , well that was it I panicked and started yelling my head off . Shortly thereafter a lady in a uniform appeared "Oh Fuck" I remeberthinking its a Nurse !!! "Where the hell am I ? " was my first question " your in Hospital" she said "what hell happened I asked ? " " i'll get a Doctor" she said

Sure enough a Doc appears pulls the curtains round the bed "uh oh" I think then he pulls up a chair and sits down "now i'm thinking fucking hell it must be serious"

So he introduces himself he's the Ward Houseman seems like a Ok bloke then he asks me how I feel well to be Honest i'm numb with shock and the Pain seems to be getting a hell of a lot worse as I seem to be waking up and realising summit bad has happened

A Nurse appears they roll the bedclothes back stab my right thigh with a Needle and almost instantly the pain starts to ebb away i also get the chance to notice I still have two legs and me mating tackle is still in place , so far so good I think .

Bedclothes rolled back Nurse goes on here way then the Doc starts to explain about my injuries . it's like a big long list ,Broken Neck , Back , Upper left Arm ,left shoulder , Left Thigh , Lower Leg in god knows how many pieces , right wrist to top it off .

Then it gets weird he asks me what day of the week is it , I remember it was a Monday night when I left my cousins so figure its Tuesday so "Tuesday" I say he says its "Thursday" oh well 2 days asleep ain't much is it......then he asks me what Month is it , now i'm fucking scared "Feburary" I say nope its "March".

Ok so now it seems i've been alseep for just over 4 fucking weeks in a Coma of sorts , it seems I got knocked out woke up 2 weeks later then got put in a medically induced sleep for two more weeks or so before they woke me up and transferred me from the Intesive Care Unit to the High Dependency Unit where I am now .....Fuck..........

Doc I can feel me Toes and Move my head so i'm guessing i'll be able to walk again ? well he explains the Injuries in greater detail figures i'll be in the Hozzie for up to 12 months and should be walking eventually .

In the back of my mind i'm thinking Ok I must've got off me bike walked across a road maybe to get a packet of cigarettes then a big fuck off lorry has run me over stopped and reversed over me again for good measure so who have I pissed off .

i'm calm about everything i've still got 2 arms an 2 legs so after a bit of time i'll be up an about an riding my bike again , then I ask him what happened to me , I really wish I hadn't though he then mentions I had been on my bike and had been knocked off it by anutha vehicle..........till that point as I mentioned I was calm .

Well i still to this Day can't explain it but I yelled my head off more about the bike than anything , things got so out of hand they where gonna sedate me ffs , all I wanted to know was how bad was my Bike and where was it .

So they got a Phone plugged it into the wall the Nurse Dialled a Number I gave her when it started to ring she put the reciever next to me when the pips went I shouted push the coin in

The Guy at the shop answered I said "It's Bob" he Said "Fuck Me your still alive" I said do you know where my bike is" he said "its here" i said how bad is it" he said " well the engine and rear wheel seems ok but everything else is fucked on it , but your fully Comp so it won't be a problem to sort it out" i thanked him and said goodbye

The Curtains where opened the phone was taken away and little while later they actually got a couple of Nurses to sit me up in my bed so i could see things thankfully the neck and back injuries wern't as bad I thought I still couldn't move my left arm as they had to plate that and they also explained that i needed a few more Operations to fix up my leg .

Calmed down now watching the daily hum drum life of a Hozzie ward said hello to the other paitents and resigned to being here a while but fuck the idea of being in here for a year thats not on my agenda i'm getting out of here as soon as possible .

Then a really funny thing happened , well I thought it was funny anutha Doc appeared , female this time i'd just had me meds again they where stuffing me up with Morphine so everything was floating it seemed

She sat down "fuck here we go again I thought" then asked me how I felt and a few more what I thought were stupid questions eventually i'd taken a more serious look at her she hadn't introduced herself like the Houseman Doc so I focused on her name tag and the Dept she was from after that things got a bit hostile between me and her she was from the fucking Psycho Dept ffs.........

Seems the fucking Houseman Doc thought I was mad ffs !!!

long and short of it I actually got sectioned and they added a few more funny pills to my smartie round every four hours , course it didin't help matters much when they explained everything to my Mum and she told me what they had done coz all I did was laugh my head off even more

So here i am now 30 summit years later going though I suppose a mid life crisis and asking myself why the fuck am i still alive today coz at the moment i look back and i've ticked the boxes of things I wanted to do but my life and its Purpose feels Unfuflilled .

That Nagging Question "Why am I here" is bugging the crap out of me , no one can really answer that I suppose except me but that Hourglass is slowly emptying itself and it really feels like time is running out to find the Answer