Thursday, 26 November 2009

3 Months In

Must be a Midlife Crisis or something but i'm feeling restless of late , feels like the sand in the Hourglass is running out and its Frustrating to say the least .

I've allways hoped there was a reason why I survived that Accident in 1978 .

Then I was a 18 Year old kid out riding my Bike , the last thing I remember was leaving my cousins house i'd gone up there to say hello and he wasn't home so I hopped on my little Yamaha RD125 DX my then 3 month old bike bought on HP which had been signed for by my Father .

Next thing I remember is waking up feeling a bit strange it seemed to take ages for my eyes to focus a bright light dazzled me this thing looked huge and i knew there wasn't one in my Bedroom .

Well I tried to sit up but I couldn't , felt a sharp stab of Pain as I tried looked to my left my upper arm had a bandage on it looked to my right that whole arm was covered in a cast looked ahead my left leg was held up on the Air in a metal frame with a bolt going though my lower leg which was heavily bandaged up.

There also seemed to be lots of tubes and other stuff , well that was it I panicked and started yelling my head off . Shortly thereafter a lady in a uniform appeared "Oh Fuck" I remeberthinking its a Nurse !!! "Where the hell am I ? " was my first question " your in Hospital" she said "what hell happened I asked ? " " i'll get a Doctor" she said

Sure enough a Doc appears pulls the curtains round the bed "uh oh" I think then he pulls up a chair and sits down "now i'm thinking fucking hell it must be serious"

So he introduces himself he's the Ward Houseman seems like a Ok bloke then he asks me how I feel well to be Honest i'm numb with shock and the Pain seems to be getting a hell of a lot worse as I seem to be waking up and realising summit bad has happened

A Nurse appears they roll the bedclothes back stab my right thigh with a Needle and almost instantly the pain starts to ebb away i also get the chance to notice I still have two legs and me mating tackle is still in place , so far so good I think .

Bedclothes rolled back Nurse goes on here way then the Doc starts to explain about my injuries . it's like a big long list ,Broken Neck , Back , Upper left Arm ,left shoulder , Left Thigh , Lower Leg in god knows how many pieces , right wrist to top it off .

Then it gets weird he asks me what day of the week is it , I remember it was a Monday night when I left my cousins so figure its Tuesday so "Tuesday" I say he says its "Thursday" oh well 2 days asleep ain't much is it......then he asks me what Month is it , now i'm fucking scared "Feburary" I say nope its "March".

Ok so now it seems i've been alseep for just over 4 fucking weeks in a Coma of sorts , it seems I got knocked out woke up 2 weeks later then got put in a medically induced sleep for two more weeks or so before they woke me up and transferred me from the Intesive Care Unit to the High Dependency Unit where I am now .....Fuck..........

Doc I can feel me Toes and Move my head so i'm guessing i'll be able to walk again ? well he explains the Injuries in greater detail figures i'll be in the Hozzie for up to 12 months and should be walking eventually .

In the back of my mind i'm thinking Ok I must've got off me bike walked across a road maybe to get a packet of cigarettes then a big fuck off lorry has run me over stopped and reversed over me again for good measure so who have I pissed off .

i'm calm about everything i've still got 2 arms an 2 legs so after a bit of time i'll be up an about an riding my bike again , then I ask him what happened to me , I really wish I hadn't though he then mentions I had been on my bike and had been knocked off it by anutha vehicle..........till that point as I mentioned I was calm .

Well i still to this Day can't explain it but I yelled my head off more about the bike than anything , things got so out of hand they where gonna sedate me ffs , all I wanted to know was how bad was my Bike and where was it .

So they got a Phone plugged it into the wall the Nurse Dialled a Number I gave her when it started to ring she put the reciever next to me when the pips went I shouted push the coin in

The Guy at the shop answered I said "It's Bob" he Said "Fuck Me your still alive" I said do you know where my bike is" he said "its here" i said how bad is it" he said " well the engine and rear wheel seems ok but everything else is fucked on it , but your fully Comp so it won't be a problem to sort it out" i thanked him and said goodbye

The Curtains where opened the phone was taken away and little while later they actually got a couple of Nurses to sit me up in my bed so i could see things thankfully the neck and back injuries wern't as bad I thought I still couldn't move my left arm as they had to plate that and they also explained that i needed a few more Operations to fix up my leg .

Calmed down now watching the daily hum drum life of a Hozzie ward said hello to the other paitents and resigned to being here a while but fuck the idea of being in here for a year thats not on my agenda i'm getting out of here as soon as possible .

Then a really funny thing happened , well I thought it was funny anutha Doc appeared , female this time i'd just had me meds again they where stuffing me up with Morphine so everything was floating it seemed

She sat down "fuck here we go again I thought" then asked me how I felt and a few more what I thought were stupid questions eventually i'd taken a more serious look at her she hadn't introduced herself like the Houseman Doc so I focused on her name tag and the Dept she was from after that things got a bit hostile between me and her she was from the fucking Psycho Dept ffs.........

Seems the fucking Houseman Doc thought I was mad ffs !!!

long and short of it I actually got sectioned and they added a few more funny pills to my smartie round every four hours , course it didin't help matters much when they explained everything to my Mum and she told me what they had done coz all I did was laugh my head off even more

So here i am now 30 summit years later going though I suppose a mid life crisis and asking myself why the fuck am i still alive today coz at the moment i look back and i've ticked the boxes of things I wanted to do but my life and its Purpose feels Unfuflilled .

That Nagging Question "Why am I here" is bugging the crap out of me , no one can really answer that I suppose except me but that Hourglass is slowly emptying itself and it really feels like time is running out to find the Answer


  1. A year in the hospital! Fuck that! Give me a big bag of drugs and let me out.
    You can still kick-start a Harley, so everything that’s important must have healed ok.

    Crazy for not wanting to stay in the hospital. Crazy for wanting to know how your bike is. That sounds normal to me.

    Why are you here? How the hell would I know. Maybe you’re here to spread your word on the www so that others might learn and be inspired by your wisdom / mistakes.

  2. pug, are you out riding? we havent heard from you in awhile. i hope that all is well!!

  3. I can relate to the hourglass, it comes and goes. You kicked the reapers ass so for now he's giving you a wide berth although he wants you to remember just how easy we can all be snuffed out in a moments notice.